done this on my own. Wednesday, Jun. 24, 2009 4:22 PM

And it's been another while.

I'm 21 now. There are no legal boundaries left to me. I'll come drinking with you, crazy American girl. You know who you are. I hope you're doing well.

Life continues its path to weirdness. Spending all of May in Calgary with Alex and The Boys did nothing to relieve this feeling of surrealism. But it was the push I needed to see the truth. To see what was really going on in my life, and how much I poisoned myself with it. I had to cut some ties, take myself away and take another look. I'm still trying to see.

There is another addition to my roster. The Wolf. They're all different, and I know I think this every time, but there's something especially different about this one. However, given my sterling track record and ability to make rational decisions, I'm trying to withhold judgment as much as I can. (I will say, however, that he is a god.)

I might be losing my position at the university. They're considering cutting funding to the computer lab we use, and it's a rather unique one, so it would be very difficult to find a replacement. If this happens, if I am cut, I'm gone. I can't keep doing this here if there is no reward, no justification and no carrot on the end of that stick. I will pull up socks and finally get out of here.

I got a procedure done yesterday. They gave me a barium milkshake and took pictures of my belly. It was actually kind of fun, the table they put me on was all twisty and tilty and it felt like a ride. But afterwards, I felt horribly sick. I wanted to vomit copiously, and when I got home... Well, let's just say it wasn't pretty. I'm glad I was alone. But this was done to find out once and for all if I have a hernia in my esophagus. If I do, I'm hoping they suggest surgery. If not, I'm stuck on heavy-duty acid reflux suppressors for the rest of my life. That would suck, but I'm also sick of waking up, thinking I'm having a heart attack.

I'm faced with a lot of potential right now. A lot of possibilities. And it's a scary feeling, it makes me sick. But right at this moment, I'm playing the waiting game, and that's okay.

I've found something to distract myself with.

action or consequence