taffy the dog. Sunday, Dec. 21, 2008 2:45 PM

We (myself and Ravno) were walking down some massive street, all cobblestones and weird architecture, very surreal, with Matt (Ravno's friend). We were just talking about nonsense stuff, like the difference between Canadian and British girls or something, and all of a sudden this great big mountain came up out of the street in front of us. It was made out of the cobblestones and had little bonsai trees growing all over it. There was a convenience store at the very top, with a huge neon sign that said, "Eternal Peace Sold Here, Open For Eternity".

So we climbed up the mountain, but had to stop to talk to these fauns who were really tall (think of the one in Pan's Labyrinth), and they were telling us that we were best off to go back the way we'd come, we'd never make it but we kept going anyways. We get up to the top and there's the little old lady behind the counter in the store. She was black, but completely night-time black, not dark brown, and had bright orange eyes. She was selling all these little jars full of clear liquid, with the craziest labels on them, like "Don't Forget To Brush Your Teeth" and "Chinese Food Tastes Best The Next Day".

We're just kind of looking around the shop, kind of doing a collective "wtf" sort of thing, when Matt all of a sudden starts screaming and clutching his ears. He falls down on his knees and is pulling at his earlobes, and saying how his brain is leaking. The little old lady grabs another jar and runs over. He's got this clear goop leaking out one of his ears, and she collects in a jar. It goes on for a minute or so and, when the goop stops, Matt stands up and starts morphing into a faun/satyr/whatever. Once he's done, he starts laughing about how we're pathetic fools, shakes his head and walks out the door. Ravno asks the lady what the hell is going on and she says that she's just doing the best she can with what she's got. Have to make a living, got to keep her head above water, that sort of thing.

So we run out of the store and try to go back down the mountain, but the fauns start following us and taunting us, saying how we would never make it and they'd eat our bones. The one that was Matt all of a sudden appears in front of us and starts laughing again. Ravno starts yelling at him about how he was his friend and how could he do this to us and he'd loved him. He responds by taking a huge bite out of the top of Ravno's head. So now his brain is exposed, and he starts crying, saying how he loved his skull and it was perfectly ruined now and it would never be the same again! I was trying to pull him away, back down the mountain, cause I really didn't feel like getting eaten, but he kept crying about his skull and wouldn't get up, and for some reason I couldn't move more than three feet away from him. It was like there was a force field.

I'm watching Matt chew on his skull and Ravno keeps crying about how he's not beautiful anymore, and I think, "Well, fuck THIS!", so I lunge at Matt, pull one of the big pointy horns off of his head and stab him in the eye with it. He starts to shriek and howl and moan, like a million voices at the same time, and the mountain starts to melt away under us... And suddenly it was like it never happened. The street was normal, Ravno was whole again, but Matt wasn't there. Ravno and I just kind of shrugged and then went for a pint.

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